It's all Karma

I ask myself if I should feel sad about not having dinner with my god-brother this Saturday. My answer is no, I should not be sad. But well… things turn out different… I am sad, awfully sad. I shouldn’t be this way I feel, but I guess I have to answerable for it. I kind of have this feeling things might not work out right this Saturday, maybe something will crop out all of a sudden, maybe it’s rain so heavily things might cancel etc, and the reason being I broke my promise, an important promise. I believe, it’s a form of karma, I broke my promise and bad karma comes so I have to pay for it. If I was given another chance, I’ll never break it, I am so sure because I am so regretful now. It always seem impossible for me to realized my mistakes before I can prevent myself from committing it. I just hope that nothing bad will happen. If god is ever around and he reads my blog, how I hope he can constantly remind me in a gentle way to keep to my promises so that I don’t have to face with any bad karma. As for now, all I can do it’s to endure the lonely weekend, it might seen pack, but it’s lonely. I guess that’s how my life should be, a university’s student’s life.

CH2291, Chinese Tradition SUCKS!

I have to say I hate it when I am force to tell the truth sometimes. But I have to tell everyone, everyone who in NUS, about to enroll into NUS and considering to study in NUS. Please for your own sake, please reconsider again, and please reconsider a trillion times before you decide to take the module CH2291, Chinese Tradition, because the module SUCKS! I am referring to the particular event today during my tutorials. I was stopped from asking more questions during a presentation from other tutorial mates by my lecturer. I have to admit that my intention of asking questions during the one of the presentation was out of bad purpose. 2 of the tutorial mates who were presenting today were initially from my group (our 1st presentation consist of these 2 group members, me and another girl). However, these 2 tutorial mates’ claims that they want to do a different topic and hence decided to go separate ways. But never did I expect to see both of them doing the same presentation today. It’s quite obvious there’s something fishy. I feel that I have being deceive, how despicable are they! Claiming they wanted to do a different topic and yet in the end doing the same topic together. Can’t they just tell the truth that they don’t want to do the presentation in the same group?
I decided to take revenge, to ask questions so as to put them in a difficult position. But neither did I expect, my lecturer was so enthusiastic that he stopped me from asking more question, claiming that there was no much time left. Well… I have to say, it looks so contradicting, on one hand, he wants us to ask questions (and no one is willing to ask any) on the other hand he stopped me from asking further questions. Isn’t the purpose of education to pursue of knowledge and understand more? Well… not the case for NUS and especially not the case for module code CH2291, Chinese Tradition.
It may look like I am speaking like a devil here and that anger have made me gone irrational. But I strongly believe what I say is the truth. A lonely and cold NUS, where you can find no true friends but hypocrite who say something but act in another way. Lecturers who stop you from asking more just because they claim that time is up (what a reasonable excuse). People please be careful. Angle, I am so sorry I can’t see anything positive.

星期六的反省

忽然间发现， 一直困扰着我的是什么，那份无名的恐惧是这么来的。失去了一切之后，让我变得很彷徨，这份彷徨演变成了害怕与忧郁。黑暗的情绪就像一块黑布蒙蔽了我的眼睛，我竟然没有发现我把自己一步步推到竞技场上。我选择了竞争来报复，希望通过胜利来证明自己的生存价值。可是时间的流逝却让蒙住我眼睛的那块黑布变得越来越暗，我开始质疑自己的实力，我真的有办法证明自己的生存价值吗？又或许我的生存没有价值？我很害怕自己会再吃另一场败仗，失去了这么多，我真的没有能力再失去任何东西。我很质疑竞技场上的人真的是我的对手吗？我多么希望不是，我多么希望他是我能扶我一把的朋友。但有可能吗？或许我早已失去对友情的信心，没有办法再相信。